


hiding behind metaphor

by worthageatrois (brownkhaleesi)



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, again i know nothing about how buzzfeed works, rating will also change most likely!!, will add tags as the story goes on, will probably include other bf side pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 19:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15347190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownkhaleesi/pseuds/worthageatrois
Summary: Steven hates New York. Okay, hate is a strong word, and Steven actually loves New York. It’s so, so different from LA; where LA is a sprawling, untamed organism, New York City is compact, compressed into the five boroughs and nothing beyond. The Buzzfeed New York office has been super welcoming and excited for Worth It and for Steven, himself. He’s trying hard to appreciate it the way he knows he should, but it’s slow-going, when all he can think about is what he left behind in LA.title from four by sleeping at last.





	hiding behind metaphor

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so hi! I’ve never once published anything on here that wasn’t already complete, so this is a first for me. Here’s why: I’m completely blocked up mentally and need feedback on this to keep writing it lol. So please, BRING IT! Yell at me about what sucks about this story so I can fix it!! 
> 
> As always, this story is completely a work of fiction and while the characters are based on real life people, I do not mean to imply in any way that those real people are romantically involved! Please do not send this or any other work of fan fiction to the people involved in it! 
> 
> Ummm that’s it really. I hope you enjoy this, at least a little bit.

* * *

Steven hates New York.

Okay, hate is a strong word, and Steven actually loves New York. It’s so, so different from LA; where LA is a sprawling, untamed organism, New York City is compact, compressed into the five boroughs and nothing beyond. Steven’s used to driving everywhere and getting stuck in traffic for hours, and while he wouldn’t willingly spend time in the New York subway system, he can’t fault the convenience of public transport here.

He’s a fan of the changing weather, too. LA is either hot or slightly less hot, and Steven prefers being able to bring out his fall and winter coats to the actual seasons of fall and winter. Strolling through Central Park and trying to find his own little nooks and crannies of the city have quickly become his favorite hobbies.

It’s hard not to love New York. The cultural mishmash and outpouring of love and acceptance are prominent here, the nightlife is vivid and unmatched. The food… the food is incredible, genuine recreations of some of the finest food in the world, most of them with a special little New York twist. Steven can’t get enough. 

He’s currently on his way to Schmackary’s, a bakery just off Columbus and 45th. It’s been kind of a rough day, and he could definitely use the healing properties of a fudgy cookie in his face. Okay, it hasn’t really been a rough day or anything. The Buzzfeed New York office has been super welcoming and excited for Worth It and for Steven, himself. He’s trying hard to appreciate it the way he knows he should, but it’s slow-going, when all he can think about is what he left behind in LA.

He’s been in New York for about 2 weeks now. That’s 2 weeks since he’s been in LA, 2 weeks since he packed up his whole life into like, three boxes and shipped them across the country. 2 weeks since he’s seen Jen or Niki or Ryan, or any of his other friends. 2 weeks since Adam and Andrew came over to his bare apartment on his last night, armed with bottles of wine and food from Steven’s favorite Chinese place.

Andrew even remembered to bring wine glasses and utensils, since Steven’s stuff was all in New York already. Adam and Andrew coming over had been entirely spontaneous, and Steven couldn’t have been more grateful for the thoughtful gesture on the parts of his two best friends. They had left that night with a promise to drive Steven to the airport the next morning. 

Steven recalls the way Andrew hesitated in the doorway. Adam hugged Steven and said goodbye, heading down to the Uber that Andrew and he had ordered. Andrew lingered, eyes fixed on Steven, but darting all over him, like they couldn’t decide whether to look at his face or his hair or his feet. Like he was trying to drink him in. Like he would never see him again. Steven smiled tentatively at him, unsure how to prod his friend into actually talking about how he felt. In the end, he didn’t really have to.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Andrew said, surprising himself and Steven with his abrupt candor. He had a confused smile on his face, as if he was wondering why he’d let that slip. Andrew tore his gaze from Steven’s and fiddled with the door jamb aimlessly, obviously feeling a little awkward in the light of his blurted sentiment.

Steven couldn’t handle the distance between them. He’d spent so long building up their relationship, letting himself trust Andrew and getting Andrew to trust him, building up a cache of inside jokes and memories and moments that had all led to Andrew being Steven’s… “best friend” didn’t even seem descriptive enough. Steven had come to think of Andrew as a partner: on the show, yes, but also in everyday life. 

He’d grown accustomed to eating with Andrew, absentmindedly sharing all their food whether or not it was for an episode. He’d allowed himself, stupidly, to get used to Andrew’s casual affection, his trust, his friendship and care. His decision to move to New York, if he’s honest, was made solely on the basis of locking everything he felt for Andrew up in a box and hiding it in a deep, dark corner of his (admittedly tiny) new apartment.

Steven snapped himself out of his retrospection, refocusing on Andrew, still fidgeting awkwardly in his doorway. His heart felt like it was going to claw its way through his chest.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Andrew,” he replied softly, as he advanced toward the shorter man with his arms outstretched. He pulled him forward insistently into a hug.

Andrew instantly obliged. His arms wrapped around Steven’s waist as he pressed his face into Steven’s neck. He sighed, then took a deep breath, shuddering slightly. Steven pulled back to look in his eyes, afraid that he was crying. If Andrew cried, Steven would almost certainly cancel his flight. Luckily (or unluckily) Andrew smiled at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Andrew’s eyelashes tickled Steven’s cheek as he blinked, that’s how close they were.

A tear slipped down Andrew’s cheek, but before Steven could comfort him or say anything, Andrew leaned up to kiss his cheek. His trajectory was a bit off, however, and he caught Steven right at the edge of his jawline. All Steven could really do was tug Andrew back in, bury his nose in the shorter man’s hair and just try to memorize him. He was being a little dramatic, because he was sure he’d see Andrew again and soon, but the idea of not living 20 minutes away from each other anymore…it made something in him ache.

When they finally pulled away from each other again, Andrew reached up to thumb at the tears now slowly sliding down Steven’s cheeks. The intimacy of the gesture wasn’t lost on Steven, but he couldn’t react the way he wanted to. Not when he was literally moving across the country in less than 12 hours. Neither of them really knew what else to say, and so Steven shooed him out the door with another brief hug and a promise to buy them coffee in return for driving him to the airport. 

That was 2 weeks ago. Now, he pushes into the bakery and orders the cookies he came for. It’s crowded and loud, so he takes his half-dozen cookies and tumbles back out into the street, just in time for his phone to blare the FaceTime ring. He yanks it free of his jacket pocket and smiles when he sees that it’s Adam. He tugs his headphones out of his jacket pocket and puts them in, a fruitless attempt to muffle some of the sounds of the city. His phone’s battery life isn’t the greatest, but in no universe would Steven Lim decline a FaceTime call from Adam Bianchi.

The call connects and Steven is treated to the sight of an adorable little kitten, teensy and white and gray with stunning wide blue eyes and the fluffiest ears Steven has ever seen. The kitten is lying on her back on someone’s shorts-clad thighs, and is batting her little paws at the camera. Steven squeals (he was caught off-guard, okay? Who doesn’t like kittens?) and makes ridiculous, cooing baby noises at the kitten until the screen freezes for a second, and then he’s pausing mid-baby noise to stare directly at Andrew’s scruffy, smirking face.

Steven’s going to kill Adam. Unless the image of Andrew with a kitten in his lap kills Steven first.

“No, please continue, Steven. You were saying you would ‘kill a man’ for this kitten? I think you also mentioned feeding him $1000 tuna? Sorry, I couldn’t really tell, with the baby voice and all.”

Steven gulps. Andrew won’t stop smirking at him, and he’s got this neat little beard going that kind of makes Steven want to stroke his jaw. Just a little.

“Haha uh… hey Andrew! How come you’re calling me from Adam’s phone?”

That sobers Andrew up a bit. He softens his smug grin into a genuine, small smile. He almost looks a little sad. Steven can’t have that.

“Couldn’t work FaceTime out, huh, old man? It’s not that hard, Andrew, it comes predownloaded on your phone and everything,” Steven teases, giggling a little as weaves through people on the crowded sidewalk.

Andrew chuckles. “Something like that. Where are you? Sorry, I wouldn’t have called if I’d known you were busy.” 

“Not busy!” Steven rushes to correct him, “I’m not busy, just on a cookie run,” he explains, shaking his brown paper bag of pastries at the camera. He doesn’t live far from the bakery, so he’s already home. Andrew’s ribbing him about his sweet tooth as he jogs up the few steps to his apartment lobby, punches in his door code, and then bypasses the elevator once inside to take the stairs instead. The phone signal is kind of terrible in the elevator, and he doesn’t want to lose Andrew.

“Are you taking the stairs? Just because you bought some cookies? Steven, you know you don’t have to torture yourself every time you get a treat,” Andrew admonishes. That’s not why Steven is taking the stairs, but he supposes he’ll let Andrew believe the assumption. It’s better than the alternative.

“You know me! Gotta stay in shape, and all that. I’ve been eating like crazy since the move. Trying to pick out the best spots so I can take you when you come visit,” Steven says, panting a little from his jog up the stairs. He unlocks his front door and pushes into his apartment, tearing off his jacket and flopping down onto the sectional before pulling a cookie out of the bag and shoving the whole thing into his mouth in one go. Then, he realizes what he said and half-chokes, sputtering as he rushes to correct himself.

“When- when, uh, you and Adam- when you and Adam come visit! That’s- that’s what I meant,” he laughs weakly, feigning nonchalance. When he finally works up the courage to glance at the screen, Andrew and Adam are smiling softly back at him.

“Hey, Stevie. How’s it going?” Adam asks, reserved as always. His smile lights up his eyes, though, and Steven’s never missed a friendly presence so much before. Adam has this way of making Steven feel tranquil, from the inside out. A crinkly-eyed smile from Adam is, honestly, Steven’s and Andrew’s collective goal, most days. They often spend episode-planning time plotting ways to make Adam smile that smile that says he’s caught off-guard by how happy he is. 

“Adam! It’s so good to see you, how are you?” Steven can barely contain his smile. As sappy as he feels even  thinking it, he’s missed Adam’s and Andrew’s faces. Now that he’s thinking about it, he’s pictured the other two every time he’s eaten somewhere new. At this point, all three of them know each other’s tastes well enough to where Steven mentally catalogues what each of the other two would probably think of a dish, right alongside his own opinion.

“I’m good, dude. What’s up? How’s New York treating you?”

“Oh, you know! I love it, bright lights and the big city!” Steven responds, perhaps a little too enthused to be believable.

Adam and Andrew exchange a glance before turning matching questioning looks at Steven.

“Is… everything okay? Work is good?” Adam asks carefully.

“It’s- yeah, it’s good. Sorry, I’m a little all over the place. The move is still a little new, and I guess- uh, haha,” Steven chuckles awkwardly. “...yeah.”

“You guess- what?” Andrew asks, ever the observant, concerned friend.

“I just… it’s dumb, but I miss you guys. Obviously, I miss you guys, but like… a lot more than I thought I would.”

“Gee, thanks,” Adam teases. He has a soft smile on his face still, though, so Steven figures he isn’t too offended. 

Andrew just stares. Waits for Steven to go on.

“No, I- of course I miss you two! But it’s like… every time I go out to eat, it’s weird that you guys aren’t there. It’s just… gonna take some getting used to, y’know?” 

“Steven…” Andrew starts, gently, “it’s okay to be lonely. You just moved there. You’re allowed to be homesick.”

Steven sighs. “Yeah,” he shrugs, “it just sucks to constantly feel like I’m missing out on like… bonding time.” 

That makes Adam and Andrew chuckle, and the rest of the call is pleasant: Steven tells the other two about how he put together his couch all by himself, and Andrew tells Steven the story of how he ended up adopting Wellington. Which is what he actually named his cat.

“Didn’t you say you were gonna name a cat Cornichon, someday?”

Andrew’s smile widens. “You remember that?” 

“Of course! Cornichon is a great name for a cat! Why didn’t you use it?”

“I don’t know! Wellington didn’t seem like a ‘Cornichon’ to me, but maybe the next cat,” Andrew placates him, chuckling and looking a little embarrassed.

Steven smiles. “Maybe I’ll steal the name for my own future cat. How’d you like that?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows at Andrew in a dramatic fashion.

“As much as I hate to interrupt this cute little conversation,” Adam cuts in, smiling, before Andrew can throw back what was undoubtedly some kind of witty yet affectionate rejoinder, “we do actually have to go, we’re just about to film some B-roll for our next episode of Eating Your Feed.” 

“Oh, okay!” Steven gets out, trying not to sound like he’s too upset. He’s reluctant to let them go, but he can’t very well demand that they stick around and chat. “Thanks for calling, you guys!”

Adam smiles and waves as he backs out of the frame, leaving Andrew to bid Steven goodbye. It reminds Steven, oddly, of the night before he left Los Angeles. Adam had allowed Steven and Andrew to say goodbye privately then, too. Not for the first time, Steven is concerned about just how omniscient Adam Bianchi seems to be.

Andrew clears his throat. “So, um, talk soon? Yeah?”

He looks kind of timid. As if Steven would ever turn him down. He smiles as widely as he possibly can, hoping it’ll work kind of like positive reinforcement.

“Definitely. Definitely talk soon. Have fun filming your episode, I can’t wait to see it,” Steven says, taking his smile down a notch to what he hopes is gentle and fond.

Andrew grins at him, though he looks a little tired.

“Thanks, Steven. I, um…”

He can’t seem to put his finger on what exactly he wants to say. Steven is the one that’s better at talking about his feelings, so he sucks it up and tries to put himself out there.

“You should come visit me, soon, too. I- it’d be good. To see you, I mean.”

Andrew’s uncomfortable smile morphs into a real one, wide and beautiful and taking over his whole face. His eyes crinkle, and Steven swears that if it weren’t for the camera trained on his own face, he’d probably be crying at the sight. 

“I miss you, too, Steven. We miss you. I’ll definitely, for sure, come visit soon, okay? I really gotta go before Annie comes over here,” he seems reluctant to go, but Steven knows what it’s like to face Annie’s wrath once you’ve kept her waiting. 

“Go, go! We’ll talk soon. I’ll text you,” he smiles, “I’ll teach you emojis.”

“Steven, I know what emojis are. I work at Buzzfeed.”

“Coulda fooled me, old man!” 

Neither one of them hang up until Annie comes around to do it for them. Steven puts the remaining cookies in a little jar, and spends the rest of his night halfheartedly watching The Office.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on tumblr. 
> 
> Again, I could use absolutely any criticisms you throw my way so please, yell at me!! Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Also, this will definitely have more chapters! I just can’t figure out how to make AO3 do the thing. But more chapters are a certainty.


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